I'm not from the Amazon

I bought a pair of these glorious flip flops in 1999. I remember I had this super cute red skirt and black tank top I paired with them. I STILL OWN THESE SHOES.

The counters in my kitchen are 3ft high. (Apparently this is the "optimal" height for a kitchen counter. I looked it up online so it must be true) Stay with me....
I am 5'4". No taller, no shorter. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average height for an adult female in the United States is 5 feet 3.8 inches.  So it stands to reason that I am an average female cooking in a kitchen who's dimensions were based on a woman of my average height.

AND YET- I still need a mother effing FIVE INCH PLATFORM SHOE to perform daily tasks such as chopping, cooking, doing dishes etc.

This is for anything
overhead

I get this feeling like men who are 6ft and over are designing kitchens. I'm average height and I'm STILL too short for my kitchen. I have no idea who did the math on this. Of course any woman over 5'8" is like "oh my kitchen is perfect for me". Bitch I will CUT you. 

My sister-in-law has this great kitchen. The island is super low and it has the stove on it with some counter space on either side. The first time I saw it I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The counter is TABLE height. !!!!!!!!!!!!  Apparently the previous owner was in a wheelchair and had the kitchen island lowered. 

GE-NIUS. 

Unfortunately It is wasted on my 5'9" sister in law and her 6'3" husband. (WTH right??)
She's practically breaking her back stirring the chili. Lucky Bitch. (J/K, love you E!)

So until I'm ready to settle in and design my home and custom kitchen I'm trying not to break my ankles in these platforms on an a bacon-grease slicked surface. Add spills from water and/or juice, toys that don't belong in the kitchen, maybe a banana peel. It's like an obstacle course from American Gladiators. I may as well be on roller skates. Oh hey now, there's an idea.