The area rug and the sofa: a discussion

Area rug:
*yaaaaaaaawn* Looks like it's going to be a beautiful day today. Ah yes, the tall lady turned on the fireplace. Time to get toasty. Wait, what did she just spill on me? It's hot! sssssssssss, ouch! Ok, It was just a few drops. Ok, time to just lay here and relax protecting the floor. Oh no, I hear those little people running up the stairs. BRACE YOURSELVES EVERYBODY!!!!

Sofa:
please no orange juice, please no orange juice, please no orange juice! Or toast! Oh for the love of all that's comfy NO TOAST!!!

Area rug:
please no crackers please no crackers, please no crackers!

"kids! eat your breakfast at the table!!"

Sofa and Area rug:
Wheeew! Saved by the tall lady!
*air high five*

A few hours later.....

Area rug:
I think I just heard the garage door open.

Sofa:
No! No it can't be! Not yet!! I'm not ready!

Area rug:
Yup, definitely the garage door. You've got 10 seconds to ready yourself.  Here they come!
please no popcorn please no popcorn please no popcorn!

*sounds of feet stomping on the stairs and into kitchen*
The T.V. turns on

Area rug:
Here we go! *cringe*

SPLAT! CRUNCH! SQUISH! THUMP! SNEEZE! DRIP DRIP DRIP. SWIPE!
SCREAM! JUMP JUMP JUMP. PPPFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSHHHHH.

"Kids! Time to play outside!!"

*sounds of feet stomping going off into the distance*

Area rug:
Sofa, what's your damage?

Sofa:
Sand, in my crack.

Area rug:
Ohhhhhhhhh nooooo. That'll be there for WEEKS!

Sofa:
Are you kidding? There's still some there from 2 weeks ago!
How about you?

Area rug:
Let's see....
sand, orange peel, juice, water, god dammit- POPCORN!
And what is this.... it's sticky, ewww gross it's all mushy and sticky!!

Sofa:
Marshmallow?

Area rug:
Those heartless bastards.

Tall lady approaches.

Area rug:
Excuse me? Tall lady? Down here. I seem to have some marshmallow smashed into my shoulder. Excuse me? Hello? hel....hello? Down here? I also have some dried play-doh over here in the other corner. Tall Lady? Hello? Why is she walking away?!?

Sofa:
Forget it. Those little people aren't done. She's not going to waste her time. See this snot smear on my cushion? Have they HEARD of a kleenex? And this marker over on my other cushion? Did they run out of paper??  What about this glitter over here? You know that's not coming out. Yeah. I feel your pain buddy.

Area rug:
*starts crying* I could have been somebody you know? I could have been clean, and unstained. *sniff sniff* I could been bought by a nice elderly couple and been placed in their vacation home. I could have been next to a little table with a doily!  WHYYYYYYYYY????? *sob sob* WHYYYYYYYY?!?!


Sofa:
Jeez get a grip, day time emmy.

*evening approaches. The house becomes quiet*

Tall lady approaches with hungry beast.

*vrooooooom, vroooooooom, crackle crackle crackle, vrooooooom vroooooooom*

Tall lady leaves, comes back with warm soapy water and rag.

*scrub scrub scrub scrub scrub scrub scrub*

Sofa:
Ohhhhhhhh Yeah. That's the good stuff. A little to the right, a little more, JACKPOT! Right there! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Area rug:
Ooh Ooh! Me next! Me next!! Do me!!!
*scrub scrub, pick, pick, scratch scratch, scrub scrub scrub*

Area rug:
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. It...... feels........ so......... gooooooooooood.

Sofa:
Hey rug.

Area rug:
Mmmm?

Sofa:
You ready for tomorrow?

Area rug:
Nnnnnnnnnnhhmmmmmmmmm. I suppose I can hang in there another week or so.