Murphy's Laws: with kids

Murphy's Laws:

(when you have kids)

1. Clean sheets = spontaneous bed wetting
2. Fresh mopped floor = oil spill (true story, but no evidence. From The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.)
3. Favorite food bought in bulk = sudden disinterest in favorite food
4. New clothes = growth spurt
5. Bedtime routine perfected = day light savings 
6. Mother with a hangover = classmates birthday party
7. Brand new toy =  packaging is more fun
8. Babysitter = good behavior 
9. New phone = tub of water
10. On time to school = forgot homework at home
11. Brand new dishes = child breaks one
12. First day of new job = child gets flu (I highly recommend Little White Lion's article)
13. 2 hours spent on a lovely meal = they want hot dogs
14. Unexpected check in the mail = tire blows out
15. Second day of diet = you are volunteered to make 3 dozen cupcakes
16. Finally get around to cutting that melon = it's gone bad
17. Clean white shirt = meets child's marker (when will we learn that we can only wear the color black when we have children??)
18. Empty tank of gas = emergency carpool leader
19. Expensive wine = knocked over on floor
20. They finally like grilled cheese sandwiches = just not at a restaurant after you've already ordered it. 
21. "I want ice cream" = "I didn't want chocolate ice cream!"
22. You shower, shave, dab some perfume, climb into bed.... = child has nightmare, needs to sleep with you.