Thursday, May 26, 2011

Miss Pants

So everyday I drive my kid to school I see this mom. It's easy to spot her for 2 reasons.
1) We're always late so there isn't anyone else around.
2) She has the hottest little body ever. We're talking MILF material.

So I dubbed her "Miss Pants" with her perky butt, and thinness, and hotness, and high heels, and blonde hair, and hotness! So naturally I hate her. And it's so unflashy. She doesn't go walking around like she's totally hot, which makes me hate her more. It's so effortless for her! (or so I think. Ignorance is bliss after all) Seriously, you should see the butt on this woman. I would die for that butt.

I saw Miss Pants leaving the school one day as I was coming up to it. I finally stopped her. I had to know if she was a total bitch or not.

Me: "Hi, so ok, I have to tell you something"
MP: "ok?" (probably thinking I'm going to cut a lock of her hair off or something)
Me: "I see you all the time, and I have to tell you that you are totally adorable, and cute, and I love the way you dress. I even gave you a nickname"
MP: "oh my gosh! what's my nickname?"
Me: "Miss Pants. Cuz you prance around, in your pants, making your butt look all cute, with your cute figure and all of this......."  I did the hand motion where I pointed to her head down to her feet.

She got a kick out of this. She laughed, was flattered, and introduced herself. Her real name is not NEARLY as fitting as Miss Pants. So I will keep my pet name for her.
I told her she is my inspiration for getting back in shape and whatever she is doing.... it's definitely working.

I failed, however, to ask her what her secret was. Sacrificial lambs? Eye of newt? The blood of a virgin? Because at this point I'll try anything.


  1. I stumbled onto your blog from a comment you just made on another blog and was delighted to find such smart, funny writing!

    This mommy blogging thing is confusing. I feel like I'm lost in a maze, but when I bump into one that makes me laugh I like to leave a comment.


    Rachel :-)

  2. I love that you did this!!! You must have made her day!! I would love to know what her daily thoughts on you are.. wouldn't it be interesting to know? Maybe she calls you something nice as well!

  3. @Sarah
    probably something like "Miss Never Takes a Shower"

  4. If you figure out her secret, PLEASE pass along!!! I'd even go with the whole "drinking horse urine" diet right now. (I swear, that is a *real* diet. But, I personally, have no experience with it's outcome). ;-)

  5. That's hilarious Lisa!
    The Epic Adventures of a Modern Mom