Kids and Wine formula

 You have kids, you need wine, so here is the formula to tell you how much wine you need-

Start with the number of children you have. That is your starting number.
Subtract 1 for each easy child you have.
Add 2 for every difficult child you have.
Subtract 1 for each child in school longer than 4 hours
Add 2 for  each child not in school at all
Subtract 3 for each hour spent at the park
Add 1 per child per hour spent inside (playing in the yard doesn't count), after school, until your spouse comes home
Add 1 per catastrophe within the walls of a home (add 2 if it's not your home)
Add 1 if your spouse requires as much work as the kids when he gets home
Subtract 1 for each child that can actually pour a glass of wine and deliver w/out spills
Subtract 1 for every half hour spent on the phone with your mother/girlfriend/contractor or whomever you vented to.
Add 1 per hour spent making dinner

The number you are left with is the number of glasses of wine you have earned for that day. You can't argue with science.