Saturday, April 27, 2013

The ABC's of drinking

The ABC's of drinking

A is for Absinthe
B is for Brewer
C is for Cognac
D is for Dewards

E is for Eggnog
F is for "FUUUUUUUCK!"
Not really a drink,
but you say it for luck.

G is for Gin
H is for Happy
your friends should be careful,
you tend to get slappy.

I is for ice
Can't drink without it
J is for J & B
K is for ____ no wait that starts with a c.

L is for liquor
M is for "MORE!"
N no I'm not drunk"
O  oooh shit you fell on the floor.

P is for Pisco
Q is for quarters
R is for rum
T is for texting. that doesn't rhyme
but you're too drunk to notice.

U is for ugly that's now a beauty queen
V is for vomit that everybody's seen
W is for wine, what else could it be?
X is for... something that is eluding me.

Y is for yodel on top of the bar
Z is for zzzzzzzzzzzzz, while we carry you to the car.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Unreasonable Anger- driving edition

Few things make me angry. Seriously. I'm proud of the fact that I'm pretty chill. If you follow me on facebook you'll see that rarely do I have complaints or tell people they're stupid or to fuck off. I don't get irritated enough at life that it warrants bitching about it on facebook. I even love Mondays.

BUT, let's not forget that I'm an incredible blend of Mexican and Italian so when I DO get angry, I fly off the handle in zero to sixty so hurry up go get some earphones and a helmet.

One such trigger is driving my kids to school. OH.MAH.GAD. THE intersection. I will break someone's face. It is not rocket science, it is not cooking a soufflĂ©, it is not trying to put a dress on a 4 month old. It is an intersection. An intersection right out of Satan's  joke book.

OK. I'll do my best to explain this situation. There is ONE lane. There is that tiny non-lane on the right that people use to turn right. A bike lane. These one lane lanes in both directions are usually very long. So there is certain rhythm that happens. Most people are turning left. This makes it run very smoothly and gets many cars through the lights very quickly. Blinkers are KEY to this running smoothly. Thankfully people use them. It is CRUCIAL.

See how smooth that is running?
But every now and again some dickface asshole decides she can't wait and FUCKS UP THE ENTIRE SYSTEM.


So from the back of the line asshole dickface drives in the bike line to pass everyone else then fucks up the flow for those poor people. Their line is equally long. What the fuck, bitch?? What did you gain, 2 seconds? Just wait your goddamn turn. We're all going to the same place, we're all driving at a reasonable speed. We'll get there WHEN WE GET THERE. It's just rude. It's ONE LANE. I can understand if maybe you're like, the #2 car and you just go around. I get that. But to come up from the BACK OF THE LINE?

So then I see her dropping off her kids. She parks, then SWINGS OPEN HER DOOR without even LOOKING. *swerve*  She's one of those people that has a "stressed to the max" look on her face CONSTANTLY.   Now asshole dickface is starting a trend. Now other people are starting to do it. It makes for a big clusterfuck mess with cars all over the intersection and it's just a dangerous situation. 

It makes me so mad that I think I'm just going to walk my kids to school. I try to set a good example and stay where I am. I love it when they go around me while I'm going straight because it PROVES MY MOTHERFUCKING POINT. 

I hate these people. I really do.