Friday, May 6, 2011

Baby Addicts

Actual text I received from my brother....
"Is it crazy that C ate the same thing as E did tonight, in half the time, and he even finished off hers?"

C is 1yr
E is 5yr

I seriously think this kid has an eating disorder. I wonder if they have pamphlets at the pediatricians office. It would probably look something like this:

Food Addiction: Is your baby at risk?

  • Does your baby eat first thing in the morning and last thing at night?
  • Has your baby ever lied about how much he ate?
  • Does your baby wake up in the middle of the night to eat?
  • Does your baby sneak into the kitchen to eat?
  • Have you ever found empty baby food jars in the trash?
  • Do you hide food in the trunk of your car so your baby can't find it?
  • Does your baby steal other people's food?
  • Does your baby pass out after eating?
  • Has your baby ever thrown up after eating food, only to begin eating again?
  • Does your baby experience withdrawals, such as screaming, crying or fits of rage if he hasn't eaten? 
  • Do you keep food in your purse or diaper bag to keep your baby's food withdrawls at bay? (are you an enabler?)
  • Have you ever seen food on your baby's face only to have him lie about where he got it from?
  • Can your baby walk a straight line after eating?
  • When your baby eats, does he begin sentences with "Can I be honest for a sec?"
  • Has your baby been known to wet his pants after eating?
  • Have you ever found food in your baby's car seat, bed, or play pen?
  • Is your baby's weight in the 99% range?
  • Does your baby justify his eating with "it's dinnertime somewhere in the world!" followed by a "wooooooooooooooo!"
  • Does your baby count animal cracker instead of sheep to fall asleep?

If you answered yes to 3 or more you may have a food addicted baby. 
Please seek help. We're here for you. 

And then I will send this fictitious pamphlet to my brother anonymously. 
If things don't change within a few weeks, I will organize an intervention. 

By Lisa and Gramma

1 comment:

  1. This is hilarious!! I just asked my husband tonight if it was normal that our 1 year old is eating 3x what our 3 year old is... The baby is always finishing her big sisters food.. I have a baby food addict!!