Thursday, May 5, 2011

I'm not from the Amazon

I bought a pair of these glorious flip flops in 1999. I remember I had this super cute red skirt and black tank top I paired with them. I STILL OWN THESE SHOES.

The counters in my kitchen are 3ft high. (Apparently this is the "optimal" height for a kitchen counter. I looked it up online so it must be true) Stay with me....
I am 5'4". No taller, no shorter. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average height for an adult female in the United States is 5 feet 3.8 inches.  So it stands to reason that I am an average female cooking in a kitchen who's dimensions were based on a woman of my average height.

AND YET- I still need a mother effing FIVE INCH PLATFORM SHOE to perform daily tasks such as chopping, cooking, doing dishes etc.
This is for anything

I get this feeling like men who are 6ft and over are designing kitchens. I'm average height and I'm STILL too short for my kitchen. I have no idea who did the math on this. Of course any woman over 5'8" is like "oh my kitchen is perfect for me". Bitch I will CUT you. 

My sister-in-law has this great kitchen. The island is super low and it has the stove on it with some counter space on either side. The first time I saw it I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The counter is TABLE height. !!!!!!!!!!!!  Apparently the previous owner was in a wheelchair and had the kitchen island lowered. 
Unfortunately It is wasted on my 5'9" sister in law and her 6'3" husband. (WTH right??)
She's practically breaking her back stirring the chili. Lucky Bitch. (J/K, love you E!)

So until I'm ready to settle in and design my home and custom kitchen I'm trying not to break my ankles in these platforms on an a bacon-grease slicked surface. Add spills from water and/or juice, toys that don't belong in the kitchen, maybe a banana peel. It's like an obstacle course from American Gladiators. I may as well be on roller skates. Oh hey now, there's an idea. 

1 comment:

  1. Just thought I'd pop by to say "hi". I am TRULY vertically challenged so I can't feel too badly for you. At 5 feet even (with big hair and heels) my husband tells me I'm an inch away from being a mean "Little person". I have a step stool in my kitchen which I use when I don't feel like climbing up onto my countertops and swinging from the cabinetry like a monkey. But sometimes ya just gotta swing (envision crazy swinging lady with accompanying chimpanzee vocalizations)

    Thanks for placing me under your favorite blogs! So very flattering!