Saturday, June 25, 2011

Wrestling, math and a mommy time out

It's true. I got sent to time out. By my husband.

Rewind to a few hours ago. I planned on making hamburgers for dinner. Daddy and I asked the kids MULTIPLE times. "who wants a crabby patty?"  Neither one of them. 1st one said " I want cereal" Poof! I have him cheerios. 2nd one said "I want juice" Poof! I gave her juice.

DING! Burgers are done. I only made 4. I did the math.... 2 adults eating... no kids eating. Ok, I'll make daddy a double, I'll eat a single and we'll have 1 left over. In reality the equation is more like:
question:  There are 4 hamburger patties. 3 patties get eaten. 1 is leftover. How pissed off can your children get because they changed their minds and decided to eat them?
answer: VERY.
My daughter caught the problem quickly. So I made her a burger. Now there are no burgers left. That's ok right? The little man ate cereal after all. He's probably full. WRONG. WRONG. TRIPLE WRONG.
We had a full on autistic MELTDOWN. We're talking WWF RAW throwdown. Head thrown bad, blood vessels bulging, and low, blood-curdling-growling  scream. (think Guns N' Roses 'Welcome to the Jungle', only less melodic) All he was missing to complete his WWF act was a microphone, spandex and knee pads. All I was missing was my "John 3:14" sign.

WTF? Am I a god damn mind reader? I thought that when he said "no", that he meant "no". I'm not a frat boy after all. *take a minute to figure that one out if you have to*

So I might have, sort have, kind of snapped at him. I might have dropped an F bomb and I might have used a higher than normal decibel level only to add to the already catastrophic tantrum entering the ring. FML. Hubs said "Where's your glass of wine?" I said "in my muther effing hand" he said "down it, or go to your room and take a time out".   I said "I'll take a time out". I grabbed my glass, my computer, what was left of my patience and stormed in my room. I slammed the door but it was totally on accident because the window was open.

Now here I am, drinking, blogging my feelings out so that when I walk back out there the announcer will say "AND FIGHTING IN THE MOM CORNER..... LISA "THE LUSHY" MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHEEEEEEEEEEER!" and then the ref will ask us to have a nice clean fight at which point I get out the baby wipes and hand sanitizer. I'm a mom like that.


  1. Ever get the feeling that motherhood is insanity? I felt you in this one. My kids like to pull the "I want a crabby patty!". I make it, give it to them and they say I don't want it! Usually because the bun is too round, there isn't cheese on it or there IS cheese on it and it's the wrong color!!! Can't wait for them to have kids for the karma to come back around and bite them in the a$$.

  2. Oh, this is funny!! I think that I would have stayed in my timeout all night!!! At least your hubby let you take your wine to time out!!
    And,,, I love that he asked you where your wine was!!!
    Hoping your household is a little more calm now!

  3. Kids seem so hard to please and fill up when it comes to eating. I've tried a couple really good recipes this past week to have noses up turned to them. Makes me wanna just hit my head on the countertops. :)

  4. I LOVE that I'm not alone in the insane-cuss-at-your-kid-because-you-are-so-frustrated moments!!