Saturday, April 30, 2011

Was I ever that young?

Since the weather was so nice today we decided a trip to the beach was long over due. like, 10 months over due.
The beach- where sun meets sand meets water in a trifecta of daytime AWESOME.
Normally I HATE sand. (I live at the beach and I hate sand, WTH?) At some point you have to give in. Mostly it's the work and effort that goes into a day at the beach with kids. I dread it.  But usually, the less planning the beach involves the more pleasant the trip. So we packed some chairs and towels.
We parked in the dollar store parking lot, which meant buying some $ store treasures. Like a sand bucket, shovel, bubbles and water. Then we walked to the beach.

This craptastic scene unfolded before us, it was like a I Spy book:

  • college girl with *ahem* glaucoma 
  • college boy thirsty for "rocky mountain water"
  • 50ish year old, over tanned woman in black string THONG strutting around
  • 80 pound skeleton college girl frolicking with boyfriend
  • overly fake tan girl who's friends kept saying "lay off the tanning" in which she replied "oh mah gaud, i'm totally white right now!"
  • All-organic snack noshing hippy parents with 1 year old child in cloth diapers
  • beanie wearing, long haired, board short sagging douche bag
  • dreadlock guy cliff jumping- barely making the cliff. 
  • surfer guy surfing same waves as the skim boarders
  •  mom making kick ass sand castle
  • people yelling in foreign language, possibly cursing
  • dudes peacocking
  • girls with bad posture. (side note- maybe girls should start peacocking... might improve alignment)
Overall a very successful day at the beach. We went, we played, we built, we got wet, we judged, we left. What else is there to do at the beach with kids? Luckily with the small amount of wares we had to carry we were in and out in a jiffy.

You know, I remember a time (barely) when I was young and hot and single and young and hot. I would go to the beach and the only thing my eyes would see were guys. When I go to the beach now all my eyes see are skinny bitches and little boys. Luckily, I know their eyes do not see me so I in no way feel self conscious about myself or my body. If I were surrounded by other moms I would TOTALLY feel self conscious and absolutely compare myself to the other moms around. I'm thinking that going to a youth beach is the best way to go. I can relax and know nobody is judging me (how can they judge me when they don't even SEE me???),  I don't have to worry about other kids throwing sand in my kids' faces, nobody cares how i'm parenting, and my kids won't stay long enough for me to worry about how sunburned we're getting. Which we're not because as a mom I pack 3 different types of SPF 5,000.  Spray, lotion and face sunblock. Guess who won't be waking up with a lobster back?? A hangover maybe (I love me some cold beer after a hot day at the beach) but save the aloe and asprin for the twentyteen year olds. 


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