Tuesday, April 26, 2011

my feelings made me do it

These were my kids' Easter baskets. Like a smart mom, I made sure to put all my favorite candy inside. Knowing full well one of them doesn't like chocolate and the other doesn't like jelly beans. Naturally there will be leftover candy. So we've devised a candy system in our house. It's called "Candy Roll-over".

Here's how it works: any candy not consumed in one session gets "rolled-over" to the next day. Or holiday. Or into the trash. It all depends on how much I like the candy.  So daddy does a clean sweep of the loot and stashes it. Sometimes we use it as bribes, sometimes we snack on it late at night (I love to eat chocolate after a glass of wine. ok FINE, a FEW glasses of wine.)

The only flaw in this system is the location of this candy. A robber or burglar usually stakes out the joint before he robs it right? Marks the times and habits of the people coming and going? Well, those are my midget thieves. They've staked out our bedroom. I think they came up with a sort of coup of misbehavior so they would get timeouts in our room. They had to act fast- they only had a three minute window, but that's all they would need.

My Youngest Midget Thief was sent to time-out this evening. Upon her return she went to directly to her father- she wanted answers:

YMT- "Daddy! Why do you have my easter candy??!" she demanded to know.

D- "What are you talking about?" he said, a little too innocently... he knew she was onto him.

YMT-"Daddy, I saw it in your drawer."  Whoops.

D- "What were you doing in my drawer?" Busted.

YMT-"Uhhhhhhh, I wasn't in your drawer." This ought to be good.

D- "Oh Really?"

YMT- "No. I wasn't. My feelings were. They told me the candy was in there"

    Backstory: My baby girl has many imaginary things. A castle where everything there is better than anything you have here. Complete with an imaginary Pink mom and pink horse. She also has her feelings. This one is a little more difficult to explain. In a nutshell it is her scapegoat for EVERYTHING. If she trips, she says her feelings pushed her. If she pushes someone, it was her feelings. If she was somewhere she shouldn't have been, it was her feelings that told her to go there. If she was doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing, her feelings made her do it. 

"My feelings told me the candy was in there." My feelings made me do it. 
I would love to see how that holds up in a court.  Criminally insane, that's what she'd be called. Just look at her. The little candy-stealing-conspirator-feelings-blamer.

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