Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I'm not a perfect mom
Sometimes my kids will go DAYS without eating a vegetable.
They've worn dirty clothes to school.
I've sent them to school with a Lunchable as their lunch.
I let them sleep on the couch because I haven't changed their sheets.
I am not a handwashing gustapo.
Sometimes they wash their own bottom, sometimes they don't. I don't always check.
I let them watch 2 movies back to back at home.
I bribe them with ice cream to bend them to my will. (i.e. leave this godforsaken park)
They don't take a bath EVERY night.
My car is dirty.
My house is covered in toys.
Midget #1 is late to school 99% of the time.
Diva yells "god dammit!" at the dog.
sometimes they eat cereal for dinner. (ok, a LOT of times)
My kids can refill my wine without spilling.
And you know what? I'm ok with that. I am normal. You know who is NOT normal?
Hand sanitizer moms. how do you think kids build up their immune system? I let my kids eat off the floor at a VERY young age for that very reason.
Mom's who pay an ungodly amount of money to send their kid to a school so they can say "my kid goes to "such and such" school"". Yeah? And they know 3 four-letter words that they use often behind your back.
Organic moms. I admit, i try to give my kids organic as much as possible. BUT- I will not deny them food when we are at parties, events, dinners, restaurants, etc. Feed them whatever you want at home but don't insult your hosts by bringing your own prepared organic dinners and snacks.
the "my kids don't eat sugar" mom
Yeah right. Turn your back and watch how much they suck down. they're doing lines of pixie sticks that would impress Charlie Sheen. WINNING!
Actually, sugar i DO monitor (but it is not off limits). Only because it turns my little ones into wee crackheads. I could care less what sugar does in the long run to my kids. Alzheimer's, tweak eye, diabetes, osteoporosis, whatever. What I care about is my spawn acting like jail bird monkeys running amuck while my uncle is showing his new snuff film*. Talk about rude.
Clean house mom. How is your kid doing without his Ritalin?
Volunteer mom. Get a hobby. You obviously are trying to hide a deep dark secret and therefore must portray a vigilant, volunteer image so no one suspects you have a dead body in your basement, or mold in your shower.
I know i'm leaving out a bunch of mom's. If i've missed any, send me an email and i'll make a new list.
She says this a lot which leads me to believe.... I am a perfect mom. Even if it's just in her eyes. I can live with that.
*my uncle does not, in fact, make snuff films. Boring home videos, maybe, snuff films.... unfortunately no.