Monday, April 4, 2011

Diary of a Mini Van

Monday: Owner, midgets and hairy midget begin daily activities. Hairy midget sheds fur, small female midget spills fruit loops, owner has hot liquid in a mug with no lid.

Midgets evacuate, hairy midget runs around like mad man shedding more fur. Next stop hairy midget evacuates. Returns with muddy paws and wet fur. Runs around like mad man. Owner yells. Hairy midget piddles.

Next stop, owner stuffs bags into my rear end.

I become hungry. Owner feeds me.

Load midgets back into car. Make stop, all return with sand and mud. All dispense sand and mud in me. Midgets empty backpacks. Lunch box remnants litter floor.  Hairy midget destroys  styrofoam ball.

Next stop owner gets out and returns with many papers from small metal box. Disperses paper on passenger seat.

All evacuate.

Tuesday: Repeat, also, got midgets new toys... they didn't wait to open.
Wednesday: Repeat, also, it rained today.
Thursday: Repeat, owner had lunch in car and it rained.

Friday: Owner, midgets and hairy midget enter car. Male midget wading through trash, papers, wrappers, and packaging to find seat. Female midget discovers goldfish cracker in seat, consumes it.  Owner unable to find unoccupied cup holder. Holds mug of hot liquid in lap.

At one stop owner shoves heavy boxes and bags in my rear end. Beginning to feel like a cargo hold.

Owner removes heavy cargo, but keeps trash, papers, lunch box remnants, sand, mud, bottles etc.

My feet are dirty. My body is dirty. I ate 5 bugs. I can't see a thing through my glasses.
Tired from a week of abuse. Must get rest.

Saturday: Owner's male companion comes to inspect me. Leaves. Returns with large white bags. Empty's my contents. Uses strange loud machine to inhale sand, crumbs, fur and mud. Gives me a shower. Gives my interior a massage with an oil-like substance. Beginning to have a crush on Male companion. Male companion looks under my hood, sprays off my under carriage and massages my feet. I am in love.

Sunday: day off.

Monday: The bitch is back with midgets, hairy midget, and mug of hot liquid.

1 comment:

  1. Where does it all come from... your sense of humor is amazing!