Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Spring Break, you Bitch

Remember when Spring Break meant buying new bikinis, new shorts, booking a flight to some sunny, warm location and making sure you were current on your birth control?

Yeah me neither. But still, Spring Break means exactly that. A break in the spring time. Kicking Mr. Winter's butt out the door, shaking off our rugs and getting some nice, clean fresh air. Even if it just means reading a book in a lawn chair on the grassy part of your apartment complex with a pitcher of margaritas next to you. (yes... that sounds more familiar)

Now fast forward to the part where you're married, live in a house and have kids.

Are you done screaming yet? Me neither.

Ok. That was much needed. While it is nice to take a break from the chaotic morning routine of backpacks, missing socks, lost library books and chronic coffee breath.... SB (Spring Break) allows us to see the downside of parenting.

Since we're not going anywhere for spring break, I get to stay at home with my brood and drink Pina Coladas at noon and contemplate the dark side of SB.

Reason for popping a Xanax at 10am-
9:54 am "mom can I have gummies?" "mom, do you want to  buy these gummies?"  (as i'm writing this The Diva is asking me for gummies)
9:55 "Mom, can I get some play doh?"
9:56 "Mom, I'm starving, I need gummies"
9:57 "mom! she hit me!"
9:58 "mom, can I have those gummies you bought? my tummy is really starving"
9:59 "mom, can I have the gummies now? Why does HE get GUMMIES FIRT?!?!?"
10:00am "mom, mom, *tap* *tap* mom, mom, mom, mooooooom, hey mom, mom? mom, mom! *tap* *tap*"
considering having my name legally changed to "Please"

On our way to the park midget 1 says "mom, I need my bike"
me: "no you don't, you can play on the playground"
under his breath : "*sigh* I really needed my bike. shit"
him: " I said I...... shhhhhhhhhhhoulda brought my toys!"  
This one is getting a little too good with his swear cover ups.

To be honest: if you're going to stay at home with your kids for SB there aren't enough movies in the theatre, sidewalk chalk, water balloons, or vodka to keep all of you sane. I would like to say that I have a bunch of links to share with you of all the fun things you do with your kids for SB... but NO. This is a bitch and moan site. Go find some over-achiever-mommy blog to get that stuff.

Another downside of parenting is having to parent.  You know, I'm a much better parent when they're not around.
We are only on day 3 of SB and so far so good. There is still plenty of fighting, but they're also playing really well too. If the sun was out we might be having MORE fun. But NOOOOO. It's overcast, cold and even a little rainy.  Oh spring, you moist deceiver you. Good thing my kids are too young to know how AWESOME SB really can be. Instead they think we're playing hooky from school. That's right- I LOWERED their expectations and it worked. Me-1, spring break-0.

So today we're off to the toy store to buy birthday presents for a party tomorrow. I will also say repeatedly "no you can't have that, no you can't have that, or that or these. stop hitting your sister with that bat."
And then it will be Xanax time.

So next year we will be leaving for the entire week off. Somewhere sunny, warm, tropical..... and with a kids club.

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