Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Hey laundry... you want a piece of me?

In a week...

If you do the math, a family of 4 can go through a load of clothing a day.
Add 2 loads for the weekly changing of linens.
Add dirty towels.
Add dirty dish towels for the spills.
Double the clothes for the weekend.
Minus 2 days working days of weekend (who does laundry on the weekend?? they're called "days off" for a reason)
Add 2 comforters at a load a piece because the dog urinated on them.
The total comes to = a laundry room that literally has arms, legs and is that a growl I hear?

Say that you are an Over Achiever Mom. (you know who you are bitches) You do at least a load a day, maybe two. You can stop reading now, this doesn't concern you.

Now let's say you're a Normal Mom. Your laundry pile is passing gas  and has definitely grown 2 feet in diameter in 2 days. It's time to roll up your sleeves.

First- start with a load of clothes. Once that is in, go ahead and sort. We all know how to do that. Getting that first initial load out of the way makes us feel like we accomplished something already. Well done, you are well on your way to a smaller laundry pile.

Second- the next load is linens using hot water.  You will alternate every load, clothing, linens, clothing, linens (and so forth) since linens are easier to fold. And also you won't have a clean clothes "pile-up" on the couch when  you're watching reruns of Real Housewives and you don't hear (ignore) the dryer buzzer go off.

Third- Don't bother with the children. Leave some food and candy in a bowl, 2 water bottles a piece, a balloon, and sidewalk chalk. Lock them outside.

Fourth- your last load can begin at no later than 6pm, you don't need to be worrying about laundry while you're watching Dancing With The Stars.

Fifth- Order a pizza

Sixth- Remember: you will never "catch up" on your laundry.

Laundry is a battle you will never win, but must fight anyway. Seeing how your family has clothes on their backs right now you are never caught up. (unless you celebrate "no clothes wednesday-friday-sunday")

Much like dishes if you think about it. You use the dishes, put them in the dishwasher (or hand wash them... heaven help you), then put them away. If you think you can keep an empty sink AND an empty dishwasher  you are INSANE, please check yourself into the nearest psyche ward or scientology church.

So fight the good fight, know you won't win but always celebrate advancements (like getting down to 4 loads, instead of 14) with a much needed glass of wine... or four, you earned it.

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