Fist sentence brought to you by: Dee McDuffie
"Today I was approached by a troll.
I was minding my own business, crossing a bridge and he just popped out at me! I was like, "what the hell man? I'm walking here!" He growled. I suppose he was trying to scare me. The only thing offensive about him was his smell. Yuck. He told me that I couldn't cross. I told him that my two brothers were waiting for me on the other side. He told me that he remembered them. I told him that he needed to get out of my way. HE threatened ME by saying that he was going to eat me. I wasn't about to become dinner for some stinky, hairy troll. So I threw him off the bridge with my horns. He fell into the water and started screaming about how he was drowning and such but there was only a foot or two of water in the stream. Literally, I could have just walked around the bridge to get to the other side. It was at that point that he started yelling "assault! assault!" and he called the police"
Officer Peters said "Well now Mr. Goat, the Troll claims that you instigated the altercation. He says that YOU were the one who said you were going to eat him"
"Are you SERIOUS? I'm a goat. I eat grass, leaves, weeds. I'm vegetarian. I haven't had meat since that squirrel of '98 and THAT was an accident."
Officer Peters "You look like a big goat. Maybe you do eat meat."
"Yeah, that makes sense. Look, my brothers are right over there. Just ask them."
Officer Peters "Your brothers WITNESSED this event?"
"Yes, they're standing over there in that meadow on the other side of the bridge"
Officer Peters "BOYS! CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE FOR A MINUTE?! I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS"
And that's when I ate Officer Peters your Honor.