Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My ex-husband texted me today.....

First sentence brought to you by: Cate Cannon

My ex-husband texted me today; his message was that he would pray for my sin.

How very odd. I racked my brains. What have I done? Worse still, what have I done that HE knows about? 
I went through all the sins I knew:

Pride- I did crochet a BITCHIN' doggie sweater. I know it was bitchin' too. 

Envy- I saw a girl at the market today with a perky ass. I wanted that ass so bad. Which leads me to the next sin,

Gluttony- I love the 100 calorie pack of ding dongs soooo much. I eat at least a pack box a day. Which may be why I do not possess a perky ass. 

Lust- Has he seen my lawn boy? Because I know I'VE seen the lawn boy. Almost as delicious as a 100 calorie pack of ding dongs. Lawn boy + ding dongs should never be in the same thought sequence.

Anger- I got taken for a ride when I took my car in for an oil change. They had to replace my air filter, and I needed new brake pads. WHAT?!? My brakes are FINE. I slam them all the time and they're still doing their job. Pisses me off!!

Greed- I went to my girlfriends house 2 days ago and we were drinking wine. It was an expensive bottle that SHE bought. I poured myself an extra glass when she wasn't looking. 

Sloth- He must have been peaking in my windows and saw the state of disarray that I call a "home."

And if he thinks it's adultery than he has me confused with himself. 

Well I can't stand it. What the hell did I do??

I'm going to text him right now:
me: what do you mean? you're praying for my sin? 
him: damn auto correct. I meant "i would pray for your win"

Oh that's right, I bought a lotto ticket yesterday.