Open Letters

Dear Good Intentioned Stranger,
Yes I've had this dark spot looked at. It's benign. Thanks for caring.
xoxo
L.


Dear Kindergarten Teacher,
Despite my first impression of you, I actually like you a lot. I want to share a bottle of wine with you and talk shit about the kids. I think you secretly want to do the same with me.
xoxo
L.

Dear Hippie Parents at my kids school,
Your kids* are the worst behaved.
xoxo
L.
* I clearly said "at my  kids school" so settle down before you get defensive.

Dear Cashier at the Grocery Store,
If I want to buy my kids donuts I can, regardless of what they ate previously.
xoxo
L.
P.S. Passive aggressive is SO unattractive.

Dear Parents in the Drop off zone at school,
DROP OFF ZONE is not some secret code for "PARK HERE UNTIL YOUR KID SHOWS UP". Move along. 
~L.

Dear Neighbor,
Your fan that blows the smoke out of your room blows it directly into my kitchen. If you find a rock wedged in it, it wasn't me.
xoxo
L.


Dear Spawn,
The reason why you "always have to clean up messes" is because you "always make messes". start putting your things away and you won't have to "clean" anymore.
xoxo
Mom

Dear Mr. C.E.O.
You are my favorite person on the planet. Thank you for always making me laugh. I want to share with the world that you took my car on monday and filled it with gas for me, despite having to come home and retrieve your wallet after a long day of work.
xoxo and then some
L.

Dear Hometown Friends,
I wish you guys would visit me instead of me always having to drive 8 hours to see you. All except ONE of you and you know who you are.
Besos.
L.

Dear Christmas,
Wait your turn.
xoxo
L.

Dear Dermatologist,
Thank you for the awesome prescription. My skin looks AMAZING.
L.

Dear Insurance,
Thanks for covering my prescriptions.
xoxo
L.

Dear Life,
Thank you for being crazy, unpredictable, frustrating, amazing, and beautiful.
But we seriously need to talk about cancer. Not cool, life... not cool.
xoxo
L.