I'm a jokester. Or an asshole.

I can never decide which it is. Either way, I'm having fun. Today I had my annual woman exam. A day I look forward to all year. I look forward to it as much as Halloween. Today I showed up to my appt wearing these:

My doctor said "nice socks"

I said "Well you know, presentation is everything"

It also gets pretty chilly in those stirrups. 

Next time I go I want to throw on some glitter down there. That doctor will have glitter on her for the WHOLE DAY. It'll be on the floor. They'll be tracking it through the office. Patients will come in thinking "Did they have a party in here? Is it someone's birthday?"

Or maybe I'll put some red lipstick on down there. When the doctor looks puzzled I'll just say "Look, I don't expect YOU to understand my forward thinking when it comes to fashion and style. Vagazzle? SOOOOOO last year. I'm a classy lady. I prefer my lips have Loreal's "Seduction" red lipstick, not cheap rhinestones"

Maybe I'll get some fantastic henna tattoo on the insides of my thighs. Like, a picture of a hand reaching up my thigh. Then say "Hurry up doc he's going to beat you!"

Or I'll just put a biohazard sticker on my hoo-hah. The doctor will have to take it off and then I can say "OK, but you were warned"

How about a new year's popper. When the doc ducks under the drape, release the popper. (I sound like Liam Neeson in "Clash of the Titans". RELEASE THE KRACKEN POPPER!) Tell the doctor that he's your vagina's 1 millionth customer and would he like to claim his prize?

I know I did a blog post similar to this before. But honestly I'm too lazy to go back and search for it. It was something about how gynos should also include waxing in their list of services they provide and how awesome that insurance would cover it. 

Anyway. It's all over now, and I'll have to wait until next year for my next gynecological exam costume. 

I wonder if my doctor gets irritated that at the end of the exam I say "Are you going to call me?"