Once a month I find myself asking myself some very important questions.
If I've lost so many bodily fluids, why don't I feel lightheaded or dizzy?
What is the best way to hide a dead body?
Is it in poor taste to tell the checker to "fuck off" when he asks me how my day is?
Can a whole box of brownies constitute as a meal?
If I lock myself in the bathroom how long until someone notices I'm gone?
Is it normal to cry over the death of the young turkey now resting peacefully in my freezer?
Is it normal to cry because I couldn't find my keys?
When did my fat clothes get so small?
Is there any other animal on the planet that can bleed for 5 days and not die?
I wonder if I can make a wine helmet, complete with 2 straws.... since I'm a multi-tasking mommy and I need my hands free.
Who decided white sheets would look good in my bedroom?
Can I eat hot dogs for breakfast?
I wonder if exercise is good for cramps.... I'll have to find someone who actually does that.
Who keeps touching the thermostat?
I wonder how much my kids will go for on e-bay?
Why is my husband avoiding me?
Can I make these pimples look like beauty marks if I put brown eyeliner on them?
Can I pull off these velour pants if I wear them with nice shoes?
I'm not going anywhere today. To hell with the world.
Now excuse me... I have 12 chocolate chip cookies I have to go devour.