Things you can't say to your kids....

Things you can't say to your kids once they're teenagers.


Put that nipple back in your mouth.
Get your tongue out of his ear!
Your butt smells like poop.
Close your legs you're showing everyone your hoo-haw.
Get that storm trooper out of your yoo-hoo! (thank you Lorenzo)
Are you wearing panties?
Stop playing with your wiener.
Who pooped in the bathtub? (thanks Megan)
Stop hitting your wiener.
Stop dancing on that table. (thanks Incompetent Hasfrau)
You can sleep with your sister but only for tonight.
Come here so I can wipe you.
Go get in the tub with your brother.
Did you pee in your pants?
You have to blow harder than that.
Make sure you wash your bottom really good.
Get off that pole.
Stop humping the dog.
No I don't want to see your poop.
I'm so proud of you! You counted to ten!
*pull back of pants out, peer down inside*
I'm not getting soap in your peepee.
She said she was sorry for spanking your monkey.
Stop licking him!
Get your finger out of your butt.
Put your clothes back on.
Go get in the shower with Mommy.
Stop eating your booger (thank you Elisa)


I know I missed a lot. Feel free to leave them
in the comments section and i'll add them to the list.