The first sentence of this short story has been submitted by: Sally Secci Scuderi
I had serious arm surgery and decided to get a brazilian...... but I didn't know where to start. I could have just got a Mexican, but I feel like that is so cliche right now. Brazilians are stronger and taller anyway. I wasn't gong to be able to lift my arm for 2 months. I would definitely need someone taller than me. It's not like I have anything against Mexicans. I like them just fine, and their food. This was a job for a Brazilian though.
See, about a year ago all my friends were talking about how they were getting Brazilians, and it changed their life. They all talked about how much their sex life improved as well. I could see that. If I didn't get so tired from all the work I did around the house then I'd have a better sex life too. I asked them what was so special about a Brazilian. They informed me that a Brazilian got EVERYTHING. Nooks AND crannies. Well that sounded pretty thorough to me!
A few weeks back I slipped and fell in my kitchen. It was a silly accident really. There was some bacon grease that had splattered on the floor and at the time I didn't have a Brazilian working here so it didn't get cleaned up. I broke my arm in 3 different places, fractured my clavicle and dislocated my arm. It probably wouldn't have been that serious but I was holding my martini in one hand and the shaker in the other and I didn't want to spill either one. It was not a graceful fall to say the least. So now here I am, all wrapped up, immobile from the waist up.
If there was ever a time to get a Brazilian, this was it. How does one find a Brazilian though? Do they live in special communities? Where would I find a favela in these parts? I decided to put an ad in craigslist. "help wanted: Brazilian to do my nooks and crannies. upper body injured, need help"
I got a lot of replies, but nobody was Brazilian. Can't they READ??
I've decided to go ahead and hire whoever can do it. My sex life be damned. I needed help and this was no time to play the race card.