I was shopping at wal-mart....

(NO- I wasn't REALLY shopping at wal-mart. it's a fake story) 

This blog's first sentence has been brought to you by: MelissaBen Dover (who in no way has a hilarious name) (pffhahahahahaha)

So I was shopping at Wal-Mart when I felt something vibrating in my purse. Obviously my first thought was “shit, my batteries are going low in my vibrator again”.  Then I realized that I left my vibrator in my other purse.  It doesn’t match this purse since this purse is white. I like to color coordinate everything.

The vibrating stopped and I carried on about my business. One of the things I love about Wal-Mart, besides their low prices and how well the company treats it’s employees and  how well they take care of land they build on, is all the interesting people I see.  Various color combinations of camouflage, short shorts and awesomely bad parenting and a sea of glorious mullets. 

On this particular day I saw a wedding taking place in the diet soda aisle. It was beautiful.  I caught the bouquet in my shopping cart.  It must have been my lucky day!  Maybe I would also meet my groom-to-be here as well. I wonder if it’s that guy with the t-shirt that says “I banged your mom”. I should be so fortunate.

I paid for my bottle of vodka and  3 boxes of condoms and  got out of there. As I got closer to my car I felt that same familiar vibrating sensation in my purse.  Oh crap, I must have stolen that buzzer from freakin’ Chili’s!! They’re paging me because they want their pager back! Shit! I’m a thief!!  Agggghhhh! No, no wait that can’t be right. I usually take my other purse to Chili’s. The one with the vibrator it.

I finally get to my car and unload my condoms. I look in purse to see what’s making all this vibrating. Oh. My. God. How did THAT get in there?????

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Nasty.