I do.

About 4 years ago someone asked me what marriage was like. I knew my answer immediately because I had often mulled this over in my own mind. ("my own mind" sounds redundant, no?) I replied,
"It's like having a 24/7 slumber party with your best friend" because for me, that's what it was like. After 2 bottles of wine she broke down and said her marriage wasn't like that. Which is OK isn't it? All marriages are different.

I didn't marry my husband because I was soooo in love and it seemed like the natural next step. Nope, I married him because he made my life happier/funnier/better. Being away from him was unbearable and so I pushed myself on him with the power of a rhino in heat. For me, marriage was about not having to be apart, to spend all our funny moments together. Much like a comedy duo.  He makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel important/beautiful/wicked smart.

I think I got my idea about marriage from my parents. They were always laughing, joking and having a great time. Marriage looks like a very fun adventure. This got me thinking, does this apply to everyone??  How do other people decide to get married?
Do they do it because it's what's "expected" of them?
Do they do it because.... well why not?
Do they do it for the tax reasons?
Do they do it to save on rent?
Do they do it because they're in love and want to keep being in love?
Do they do it because they'll get lots of sex now that they're married? (BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!)
Do they do it so someone else will pick up their dry cleaning?
Do they do it so they can combine their awesome CD collections?
Do they do it because they're best friends and they want to rock and roll all night and party every day?

I dunno. Clearly.

But I do have some ideas on different types of marriages. I have paired them up with childhood games/activities that they most closely resemble.


Chase- this is when one person nags and the other person tries to ignore it.
Red Rover- this is a passive aggressive marriage. Send them over, then deny them access.
Doctor- S.E.X. and lots of it.
House-  this is where everything appears fine on the outside, but everything inside is fake.
Slumber party- where you stay up late with your best friend giggling and talking
Hide and seek- this is a physically abusive relationship. procure divorce documents immediately.
Simon says- this is a verbally abusive relationship. procure divorce documents immediately.
Tag- this is obviously an affair.
Nap time- this is when you have kids and in your free, "alone" time you sleep.
Monopoly- where you marry for money.
Catch- both partners work
heads up seven up- perverts
Go fish- not marriage.... dating
Risk- obvious.
The game of Life- this is where we want it all, house, kids and mortgage. thanks Alice!

and of course "Battleship" is divorce.


After 4 years I don't know how my friend's marriage is. I don't ask. It's her business, if she wants to talk about it then she can, she doesn't have to.  But because she's my friend, I hope she's working on a slumber party.