Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Not so anonymous

Is that spelled right? anonymous? it doesn't look right. Anyway....
I didn't want to write this blog.  I didn't want to write it because I am ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, regretful, and ashamed. AND embarrassed. But mostly ashamed.

I knew I had a problem. I thought I could beat it on my own. My husband was very delicate when he broached the subject offering his support of what I was doing but gently reminding me that it was not the only thing I should be doing.

Hello. My name is Lisa, and I am addicted to facebook. This may sound funny or like I'm making fun of other addicts but I'm not. I believe it is a serious condition.

In the beginning it was fine. A way to connect with friends and family, a way to share photos, a way to stay in touch. I would go on it every now and again, but socially. Sometimes only to stop in to watch. I started spending more time there, socially... but still more time.  I began a fan page and I think that is where it started to spiral out of control.

I started neglecting my daily duties. Dinner started late, laundry was left in the washer for days, errands weren't getting ran. I noticed I was always late to meetings and appointments.
Before I knew it I was checking my Facebook first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Obsessively checking it on my phone, and running to my computer after a trip to the bathroom to see if I missed anything.

I never wanted anyone to know how much I was on it. It's so embarrassing. It has become my dirty little secret. Then the lying started. I started to lie about how long I was on it. I lied about leaving the house and going for walks, even though I was just at home on FB.

When you start lying about how much time you spend on FB... you are on it too much. I didn't care. I had fans, I had friends, we had conversations, we were being funny! Why take life so serious?! Laugh when we can! And I sought out laughter constantly.

Then there are my kids. I was always too busy on the computer to play with them, get them ready for bed, read them stories.... I've lost time with them that I'll never get back. NEVER.

Just typing this out makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hate what this addiction has done to me. What it's made me become. I hate that I can't just get off the god damn computer. I hate that I couldn't be one of the those people who could limit their time, who had discipline.

Last night I deactivated my account. We all now that you can't delete it. We all know that it's still there, waiting for you to come back. So every day is a struggle not to get on. Or at least, it will be. Today was day 1. I made it through today.

If you are like me, please consider what I'm saying. The things that need your attention most, are the things and people in your own home.

I realize how ridiculous this may sound to you- but it is absolutely serious to me.
So if you can't find me on Facebook... now you know why.


  1. I joke about being days away from rehab from blogging but your are right, it can be very addicting. For me it can be way to escape from the stresses of life. Good luck in dealing with it. And good for you to start to get honest about it!!

  2. I applaud your self-discipline! Mine has extended far enough that I have resisted getting a data plan on my phone. As The King said, "Then you would never look UP." And FB-free days ARE pretty glorious. SOOOO much accomplished. It's like a mini-miracle...

  3. Dude, I am soooo with you...facebook is kind of evil and addicting! I have to keep myself in serious check a lot of the time...but I have so many other responsibilities that I do ok...not well, just ok... But I am going to cry cause I'll miss you! Are you deactivating email too? If not you should be my occasional email buddy!

  4. You are really making me think about my facebook activity. I think I need to get rid of fb soon. I tried to limit my fb activity by seriously deleting alot of my friends who I never talked to and I am still on just as much. There is so much to do but family and house is more important. If you want to permantly delete your facebook this is the link of how to do so.

  5. I went through the same feelings this summer, and deactivated in June. I love it! I feel a little tiny bit out of the loop with some friends / school moms, but my close friends and I haven't missed a step. And you know what? I don't even remember what my password was!

  6. this is the primary reason I will NOT get a "smart"phone. Ever. My husband is glued to his iphone constantly & is totally checked out 99% of the time.