Happy

I have a lot more time on my hands these days. Not only that, but I have a lot less noise in my head. The benefit of this is that I can understand myself better. Instead of always thinking in terms of status update or blog posts... I can think about anything I want.  Lately I've been thinking about the things that make me happy. There are a lot. TONS of things that make me happy. AND, not only that, but if i'm listening to the right music... EVERYTHING makes me happy. Everyone and everything looks beautiful.

In my old car I had a DVD player and the kids were always watching movies. I never really had the opportunity to listen to whatever I wanted. I don't have a DVD player in my new car and I LOVE that. I listen to music, 99% chill, pretty music. My kids, in turn, are chill. That makes me happy because music is to my soul what water is to plants.

There is an older gentleman that walks his dog in the morning. I see him just about everyday on my way home from dropping off the kids at school. He looks like he was cool. He wears jeans and hoodies and skate shoes. He has white hair and creases in his skin.  He always has a face that looks like it's half smiling. I started smiling at him.  He smiled back. It is this really great, full, happy smile. Then I took it up a notch and started waving to him. Holy moly! He waves back with such enthusiasm! Like he's trying to get his friends attention at the airport.  Then I started noticing that I'm not the only one that does this! I was behind FIVE cars and ALL OF THEM WAVED. I thought he would keel over from the elation his face was exuding.

This is the highlight of my day. Seeing this guy. Seeing his happy face. I bet it's the highlight of his day. Seeing these strangers day after day and waving to them. The first day that I didn't see him I was worried. I was sad. Luckily he was back the next day. Some days I don't see him but I don't worry like I used to. He's more consistent, then he is not. Does that make sense? Also, I left him a Holiday card  because I know where he lives. =)

I started doing pinterest not very long ago. One of the things I like about it is that I can categorize my happiness. I can define it, label it, and tuck it away. Then I can pull it out whenever I want to look at it, add to it, take something away..... It makes me happy.

I rearranged my daughters room yesterday. This made me very happy. I took 4 LARGE bags of toys to the Goodwill this morning. She is only getting one new toy for Christmas. The rest is art supplies. Same applies for my son. This makes me happy also and I know the benefits of this.

I'm renting an RV for the holidays.  This is something my son has ALWAYS wanted to do. It is something of an obsession. (If you know someone with autism you can imagine what this obsession can be like) He informed me that he would rather have the RV than gifts. Good enough for me!  I can NOT WAIT to see his face and hear his little voice squeal with delight. He will hop on his toes, flap his hands then clench them, and scream. Then my daughter will scream so she can be heard over him but Mr. CEO and I will just look at them and smile, our hearts full of joy to please them so much. I will enjoy the RV because I will be drunk all day. (I'm joking) ((Sort of)) At any rate, THAT makes me happy too. =)

So this blog is full of ramblings. There are plenty of other things that make me happy but this is what is in the forefront of my mind. This is what I'm thinking about and smiling about right now.

I feel like I'm losing my humor but to be honest... I'm going through a pensive time right now. I like it. I'm 32 so that makes sense. I'm about to have a maturity/clarity spurt. Those of you in your 40s and more know what I'm talking about.

Funny shenanigans will come up soon. I promise.

Today's playlist is:
"jar of hearts"
"lonely"
"a thousand years"
all by Christine Perri

They sound sad... but they're beautiful. The music makes me happy.

They only LOOK homeless

 HA! You thought this blog was going to be all sappy and full of Christmas glitter. No, I'm talking about my children.


My children have these gloves.

Pretty standard little kid gloves right? Well my son decided he wanted to cut the finger tips off to match my gloves. So I cut off the tips. Then my daughter decided she wanted HER fingertips cut off too.

They proceeded to run around the house wearing my hats and scarves then they huddled together to build a lincoln log house. It was really cute. But honestly, it looked more like 2 hobos trying to warm themselves over a coffee can fire.

I don't miss facebook

Oh who am I kidding? I can't lie to YOU. Well, I do and I don't miss it. Let me categorize and bullet point them so you can see the pros and cons of my decision and what I miss and don't miss.

DON'T MISS:

• stupid comments
• stupid people
• stupid pictures
• stupid updates
• stupid ads
• stupid links
• losing messages
• checking my computer constantly
• being late for everything

MISS:

• funny comments
• funny conversations
• funny people
• funny pictures
• funny updates
• funny links
• LSNB!
• lol-ing
• sharing funny stories with Mr. CEO

All in all I miss the interaction but I don't miss the pointlessness of it all. I HAVE started texting people more and sending out more emails though. I suppose that's ok, it's keeping private things private. OH! and I've stopped thinking in status updates. You know what I'm talking about. It's like having a translator in your brain that takes a situation you are experiencing and translates it into a cute/funny/witty status update.  That took a few days to go away. 

So that's an update from me. Still here.... still kicking.... just cleaning my house after months and months and months and months of neglect. So I may be scarce for a little while longer. But when I DO come back? You can bet your ass there will be a drink video involved. 

Things I did when I wasn't on Facebook

• ran 2 miles
• showered, make up, hair, dressed
• on time to appointment!
• cleaned my 3 bathrooms
• organized, sorted and purged 2 bathrooms (especially drawers and under the sink)
• 3 loads of laundry. folded AND put away. 
• washed comforters
• made dinner, on time
• watched a christmas movie with the kids
• worked on arts and crafts project with kids, cleaned up afterward
• did the dishes!
• gave my kids a bath ON TIME
• wrapped a birthday present, cleaned up afterward

I had so much energy today. Yeah I had urges. Crazy urges. I would walk over to my computer, wake it up, then remember. So I would walk away. I remember things that I was doing. I was able to keep my train of thought, and not blow up at the kids.  I was in a fantastic mood when Mr. CEO came home.  It was a GREAT day without FB. 

If I HAD been on Facebook.... if I'm being honest... I probably would have only accomplished the dishes, but there would have been a bunch left over that didn't fit because I waited so long.   =(

Not so anonymous

Is that spelled right? anonymous? it doesn't look right. Anyway....
I didn't want to write this blog.  I didn't want to write it because I am ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, regretful, and ashamed. AND embarrassed. But mostly ashamed.

I knew I had a problem. I thought I could beat it on my own. My husband was very delicate when he broached the subject offering his support of what I was doing but gently reminding me that it was not the only thing I should be doing.

Hello. My name is Lisa, and I am addicted to facebook. This may sound funny or like I'm making fun of other addicts but I'm not. I believe it is a serious condition.

In the beginning it was fine. A way to connect with friends and family, a way to share photos, a way to stay in touch. I would go on it every now and again, but socially. Sometimes only to stop in to watch. I started spending more time there, socially... but still more time.  I began a fan page and I think that is where it started to spiral out of control.

I started neglecting my daily duties. Dinner started late, laundry was left in the washer for days, errands weren't getting ran. I noticed I was always late to meetings and appointments.
Before I knew it I was checking my Facebook first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Obsessively checking it on my phone, and running to my computer after a trip to the bathroom to see if I missed anything.

I never wanted anyone to know how much I was on it. It's so embarrassing. It has become my dirty little secret. Then the lying started. I started to lie about how long I was on it. I lied about leaving the house and going for walks, even though I was just at home on FB.

When you start lying about how much time you spend on FB... you are on it too much. I didn't care. I had fans, I had friends, we had conversations, we were being funny! Why take life so serious?! Laugh when we can! And I sought out laughter constantly.

Then there are my kids. I was always too busy on the computer to play with them, get them ready for bed, read them stories.... I've lost time with them that I'll never get back. NEVER.

Just typing this out makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hate what this addiction has done to me. What it's made me become. I hate that I can't just get off the god damn computer. I hate that I couldn't be one of the those people who could limit their time, who had discipline.

Last night I deactivated my account. We all now that you can't delete it. We all know that it's still there, waiting for you to come back. So every day is a struggle not to get on. Or at least, it will be. Today was day 1. I made it through today.

If you are like me, please consider what I'm saying. The things that need your attention most, are the things and people in your own home.

I realize how ridiculous this may sound to you- but it is absolutely serious to me.
So if you can't find me on Facebook... now you know why.

dues paid

How should I start this post? I'm going to try out a few different things and whatever sticks is what you guys see.

My husband VERY recently bought me a new car. We had been looking and toying with the idea of selling. (remember my craigslist ad? p.s. lots of feedback)  Unbeknownst to me, my husband had gone off and found the exact car I wanted. He locked that shit down and surprised me. He told me he had to go to a dealership because he wanted to test drive a car himself. I said fine I'll go. Then I saw the car... with the bow.... I knew it was mine. I went in and signed the papers. I drove off the lot with it. 

I posted a pic on Facebook about it. I was SOOOO excited. This is a luxury car. The very first time I had even SAT in one was for a .5 mile test drive a month ago. Unfortunately, there were some friends and/or family who were not as happy as I was about our new purchase. Some people just couldn't be happy for us. It was sad really. 

When my husband and I first met, he was living in a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 employees. The office was in the living room. He had the master bedroom, one employee had the second bedroom and another had the living room futon. He was starting a company and he was just about at square one. Believe it or not, they had moved up. The weekend after I met him I spent a weekend alone with him. The first night was spent in the apartment. When I first walked in, his "roommates" were gone.  He had music playing on the computer systems... all linked together, the Gladiator soundtrack, Enya, and other ambient music I loved. The apartment was very small and we spent that first night on a deflating air mattress. I awoke at 2am to a flat ground and him saying "roll over, I have to pump this up". [insert dirty joke here]

The next day was spent exploring the "city". We stayed at a bed and breakfast and it was truly a romantic experience. The next day was followed by dinner with his parents before I had to catch my flight home. 

I flew home that evening knowing 100% that he was the man I would marry. 2 weeks later we were engaged. 2 weeks after that I quit my job and moved in with him into that tiny 2 bedroom apartment with a deflating bed. Every night around 2am we would wake up and he would pump it back up using a hand pump. Shortly thereafter his 10 year old daughter flew in to stay with us for the summer. I was 23 at the time, hadn't babysit in 12 years and was generally uncomfortable around kids. It was the hardest summer of my life. I loved him, was trying to love her, trying to make myself useful by cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and helping out with computer work. We all struggled that summer, and we all probably lost a little faith in the situation. 

I left at the end of summer to go back home. He was relocating his "office" so I thought it would be better if I was out of the way. I also missed my mom. I had never lived so far away before. This is where the story gets complicated if you're talking to the two of us. We each have our own story of the events that transpired. In the end, we had a long discussion and decided we would try to make this work. Again, I would be sleeping on an air mattress, BUT, with this man next to me, I would have slept on a rock just to be with him. 

His "office" was once again in an apartment. It took up the master bedroom and we occupied the smaller bedroom while 3 employees slept in the living and dining room. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I discovered my love of Family Guy and Cabernet Sauvingon. I'm sure it was the latter that caused the pregnancy I soon found myself faced with. We were engaged yes, married no. It took ONE day after that to get a real bed, and only 3 weeks after that to get a place of our own. 

We suffered financially, we suffered emotionally, we suffered physically. I've always believed in him... even when no one else did. He always believed in me and what I would some day become. We stayed together, and have gone through thick and thin. Through richer and poorer. In sickness and  in health. Exactly what we declared in our wedding vows shortly after moving into our new apartment and discovering our pregnancy. His company has grown, our family has grown, and so has our love for each other. 

He is my best friend, as I am his. We've been hungry, tired, broke, on the brink of collapse but we believe in each other. We've come a long way together. If he wants to celebrate our distance thus far with a new car... far be it for me to deny him this gesture. It doesn't matter what I drive or where I live. As long as I'm with him.... I would sleep on a deflating air mattress. 

I do.

About 4 years ago someone asked me what marriage was like. I knew my answer immediately because I had often mulled this over in my own mind. ("my own mind" sounds redundant, no?) I replied,
"It's like having a 24/7 slumber party with your best friend" because for me, that's what it was like. After 2 bottles of wine she broke down and said her marriage wasn't like that. Which is OK isn't it? All marriages are different.

I didn't marry my husband because I was soooo in love and it seemed like the natural next step. Nope, I married him because he made my life happier/funnier/better. Being away from him was unbearable and so I pushed myself on him with the power of a rhino in heat. For me, marriage was about not having to be apart, to spend all our funny moments together. Much like a comedy duo.  He makes me happy, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel important/beautiful/wicked smart.

I think I got my idea about marriage from my parents. They were always laughing, joking and having a great time. Marriage looks like a very fun adventure. This got me thinking, does this apply to everyone??  How do other people decide to get married?
Do they do it because it's what's "expected" of them?
Do they do it because.... well why not?
Do they do it for the tax reasons?
Do they do it to save on rent?
Do they do it because they're in love and want to keep being in love?
Do they do it because they'll get lots of sex now that they're married? (BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!)
Do they do it so someone else will pick up their dry cleaning?
Do they do it so they can combine their awesome CD collections?
Do they do it because they're best friends and they want to rock and roll all night and party every day?

I dunno. Clearly.

But I do have some ideas on different types of marriages. I have paired them up with childhood games/activities that they most closely resemble.


Chase- this is when one person nags and the other person tries to ignore it.
Red Rover- this is a passive aggressive marriage. Send them over, then deny them access.
Doctor- S.E.X. and lots of it.
House-  this is where everything appears fine on the outside, but everything inside is fake.
Slumber party- where you stay up late with your best friend giggling and talking
Hide and seek- this is a physically abusive relationship. procure divorce documents immediately.
Simon says- this is a verbally abusive relationship. procure divorce documents immediately.
Tag- this is obviously an affair.
Nap time- this is when you have kids and in your free, "alone" time you sleep.
Monopoly- where you marry for money.
Catch- both partners work
heads up seven up- perverts
Go fish- not marriage.... dating
Risk- obvious.
The game of Life- this is where we want it all, house, kids and mortgage. thanks Alice!

and of course "Battleship" is divorce.


After 4 years I don't know how my friend's marriage is. I don't ask. It's her business, if she wants to talk about it then she can, she doesn't have to.  But because she's my friend, I hope she's working on a slumber party.