Saturday, July 2, 2011

Hot Days, Wet Pants

I went to the gym yesterday. No, that's not a joke. I actually went. It was a crappy morning and the only way to get rid of a crappy morning is to work out. So I did, and it was good.
I was immensely sweaty though and I still had errands to run. I was wearing black pants and knew that my crack was wet. I debated going home to change, but decided that would be too much work. I ended up turning on the seat heater thinking that would dry my pants.

Let me tell you here and now that seat heaters are not the same as blow dryers. Not even close. In fact, I think it made my butt so warm that it actually triggered MORE sweating. It's like the difference of a Louisiana swamp and warm coastal breezes. Apparently I was too high on endorphins to think clearly. The temperature outside was in the mid 70's and climbing.

So there I was, sitting in Trader Joe's parking lot with wet, and now, very warm workout pants on. My shirt was no where near being long enough to cover The Nile of Sweat on my ass.

Ordinarily I wouldn't care. People work out, they sweat, good for them. I happen to live in  a tourist trap and this weekend got off to an early start. Lots of people. Everyone. People I'll never see again. People I don't even know looking at my Nile of Sweat. I just couldn't bare the thought. I glanced around my car which I just cleaned out the day before. Nothing. But what's this? YES! A pair of jeans! Hallelujah.

If you follow me on Facebook you'll know that I am currently fighting a dilemma. Work out or buy new clothes. Which obviously means my clothes are shrinking. Even my once relaxed, boyfriend fit jeans. Now, take a pair of jeans that are shrinking, and squeeze a hot, sweaty body into them. Keep trying. You're going to be there a while. It was like, taking a sausage out of it's casing, and then trying to put it back in. Just with less spice, and equal amounts of fat.

It was not a pretty sight. Not to mention the fact that I was in the back of my van (Yes! Saved by the huge vastness of the van backseat)  It was a STRUGGLE. It could have been an olympic event. I eventually got them on though. But then once they were on, zipped AND button, I then had the added bonus of trying to stick the pockets back in. Oh, and don't forget, I still had to WALK in them. My gym sweat, was now mixing with hot day sweat.... in tight jeans.....

Now, the worst, WORST part of this story? I forgot I had baby powder in the car. I could have saved myself so much of a struggle.

I'm going to the gym today, and everyday until my "relaxed" jeans are actually "relaxed" and not fitting me like I've put them in a hostage situation.

1 comment:

  1. Haha... I am one of the sweatiest people out there, so I can totally appreciate this. For some reason, my inner thighs seem to be the first thing to sweat whenever I get hot. That and my upper lip.

    So I end up with ruined makeup and a bad case of what a (male) friend of mine affectionately refers to as "swamp ass." It's disgusting -- I change undies several times on any given day in the summer.

    Once I was helping out a friend in church on a day that the air conditioning was turned off. I was wearing turquoise shorts, and by the end of the hour, I had two VERRRRY obvious giant half-moons of sweat under my butt, and more sweat running down my legs. GROSS. I blame genetics -- my dad sweats like a pig.

    Thanks for the laugh!

    Smiles, Jenn