Monday, January 2, 2012

Parenthood

Or as we like to call it "EXTREME MARRIAGE". Parenthood is the olympics of being a professional couple. It takes training, discipline, determination. Sometimes a helmet, often some patience and always a lot of love.

  Are YOU a PROFESSIONAL? Here are the top 12 1/2  ways to know.

  1. Right when you are the middle of something you get interr.....
  2. Your snooze button is a stop watch to see how fast you can get your family out the door. The goal: personal best!
  3. You turn into Dr. House trying to figure out how your kid caught that fever, that rash and how to handle it. All while trying to manage your pain.... 
  4. When dinner time comes around you feel like a cross between Iron Chef and MacGuyver. "We've got a can of tuna, some noodles and baby carrots, GO!"
  5. You feel like Jane Fonda while bending over to pick up clothes and toys. "Aaaaaaaand one, and two, and three, and breath, and reach, and six, and stretch, and eight and hold, hold, hold...... and again!" 
  6. They call you "Mario Andretti" when you drive your kids to school.
  7. You consider doing laundry a hobby and can fold a t-shirt 7 different ways. 
  8. You can successfully maneuver the obstacle course in your kids' room like a soldier in a mine field. 
  9. You become the worlds most amazing interrogator when it comes to finding out who broke your vase. The Closer comes to YOU for advice. 
  10. You've gotten so good at opening and drinking wine that you could become a sommelier. A sommelier for wines under $20. 
  11. You use infrared lights, take DNA samples and question suspects all in the hopes of finding one.lost.shoe.
  12. You feel like a referee in a UFC match when your kids fight. 
  13. You envy the praying mantis who can bite the head off her mate. 
  14. Anyone can ask you anything, at anytime and you know the answer. "Mom, where's my book?" "Honey, where are my keys?" They call you "psyche". 
If you answered yes to any of these examples then you need to go find yourself a sponsor. 

1 comment:

  1. #4--every. damn. night.

    #10--yes, but under $9.95

    ReplyDelete

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