Thursday, March 24, 2011

i don't give a $hit

That's not true. Of course I give a shit. But in my coffee induced euphoria this morning (after i cleaned up a huge mess of shit) I decided i'm going to omit this word from my vocabulary. It is just so unnecessary. case in point:

"i beat the shit out of him" really? did he have poop running down his legs when you were done? no? hey, don't look now but your pants are on fire.

"He's a piece of shit" no, he's a human being. not a very good human being, but a human being none the less. He in no way resembles fecal matter.

"Oh Shit!" Now, unless you literally just walked into a pile of crap.... you don't need it.

"Holy shit balls"  This makes me think of a pope who doesn't clean himself well enough after going number 2.

"i don't give a shit" And this is supposed to make me think you don't care? because you won't give doo-doo?

"Shit's about to hit the fan"  Unless you threw a big bucket of feces up into the ceiling fan I think we can stick with saying 'it's about to get ugly' because THAT actually makes sense. (think... Jerry Springer)

"he doesn't know shit" maybe he does. What if he is a lab tech and studies microbes found in fecal waste. don't go around jumping to conclusions like that.

Obviously the shit list goes on and on (ha, get it? shit list? don't even get me started).
The point is: it's an ugly word that means poop. The only time we should be using it is when we're referring directly to ca-ca. (ca-ca.... who came up with this charming nugget of a word? It actually SOUNDS like it looks)

Let's stop being so lazy with our beautiful language and start using it for it's intended purpose... to communicate. talk to everyone like they're visiting from another planet and take everything you say literally. That would be a fun challenge for a day, wouldn't it?

So scrap the shit, and clean this place up. You'll be fucking glad you did.

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