House Hunting

I'm house hunting. So here's an email I sent to one of the landlords. Hi So and So. My husband sent an email yesterday but I wanted to send one of my own. I am VERY interested in this house. If this house was a person I would want to get serious with it. Take it to the next level; moving in together. I think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. Im willing to be monogamous with the house and forsake all hotels that may come my way in the future.  I know I don't know the house very well but I think we were meant to be together. I know it will be experiencing a void soon and I think I'm just the person to fill that void. Mostly with furniture (Ikea), laughter (too much wine) and love (making?).  I know it will get my sense of humor and I think we could make each other very happy. I know an excellent house cleaning service and I would love the house and always take care of it and protect it from harm. Just as it would protect our family from harm such as rain, hail and possible zombie apocalypse. I understand the cost involved, to the tune of $XXXX. I am more than willing and happy to pay. It would be an honor. We will gladly submit credit reports, pay stubs, DNA samples, 1st born son, a shrubbery and whatever else you may feel you'll need. I can be reached at (XXX)XXX-XXXX. Kindest regards, Lisa S P.S. I hope you found this email entertaining and in no way creepy. P.P.S. unless you like creepy. P.P.P.S. I'm not creepy. P.P.P.P.S. Now this is getting creepy.