reconsidering "normal"

while making lunch i hear Midget #1 yell from the bathroom "mom! i went poop! do you want to see?!"  of course i don't. He comes out of the bathroom stark naked with a package of baby wipes. he saunters into my room where he bends over in front of the mirror and meticulously cleans himself off.  he emerges from my room wearing nothing but my bra (a rather racy one) saying "mom, do you like my boobies?" then he starts jumping around me and skipping to the kitchen. this of course attracts the attention of the Hairy Midget, who joins in by bouncing up and down and barking.  Midget #2, who up to this point was quietly working on her play doh cookies, starts to chant "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"  My pasta water is boiling over, my phone starts to ring and the doorbell rings.

As I write this Midget #2 yells from the bathroom "mom! i went poop! do you want to see?!"
sorry my friends.... but THIS.... this is normal.

Cosmos and Coffee

Coffee for the morning, cosmo for the evening. makes sense doesn't it? well think about this, what is more stressful: trying to get out of the house for the day, or just coming home at the end of the day?

This morning I woke up, put on a pot of coffee, walked the dog, and did some dishes. Then Aiden woke up and came upstairs. I made him some pancakes. Our morning routine is that he eats, then gets dressed. So naturally once his pancakes were finished I told him he needed to get dressed. I jumped in the shower and when I came back out Aiden was in the living room playing with his toys donning his pajamas.
"Aiden- you need to get dressed"
The clock reads 8:10.  Great. We're already going to be late.
"Aiden- hurry up- you need to get dressed" maybe i shouldn't have said anything because he fired back at me:
"OK FINE! WHATEVER! STOP YELLING AT ME!!!!"
In case you didn't know, you can't rush an autistic kid. Their head may explode. It is a subject that must be approached with calm, peaceful serenity. It must be handled with great care and mindful wording.
"AIDEN WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE! GET DRESSED!"
Whoops.
"AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!'
well a least he's downstairs in his room.  He may be screaming at the top of his lungs but he's in his room going through his drawers. This is a step in the right direction.

The clock reads 8:20. School is starting.

I say to Greg, who is heading out the door for work, "psh, and drinking in the A.M. is frowned upon"

to which he replies "seems like that's when you need it the most."

I pop my head in Aiden's room. He has pants, a shirt and a sweater on. He has his socks in his hands. He says to me in a very calm, knowing voice "i know, i know mom... hurry up, we're going to be late, i know. i'm almost ready"

We get in the car. The car clock reads 8:30. It's another 5 minutes until we get to school.

I wonder how much smoother this would have gone if instead of a cup of coffee i had
an ice cold cosmopolitan. If I got pulled over by a cop he would say:
 "have you been drinking?"
and i would say:
 "yes- i was trying get my kid ready for school on time"
and the cop would say
"i understand. then i suggest you look into carpooling"